Why Unmarried Christians Shouldn’t Live Together.

Should unmarried Christians live together?

This question has come up more frequently since I have been college. After having dated the same girl for four and half years and now a sophomore in college, it is no surprise that people have begun to ask what my plans are for that relationship in the near future. My immediate plans upon graduation will more than likely consist of finding a job, getting an apartment, and stabilizing myself financially. People (Christians and non-Christians alike) always find it strange that I would be occupying an empty apartment until marriage. Which leads them to ask: “Why can’t you just live with your girlfriend? By that time you will practically already be married.”

A lot of Christians mess up in responding to this question by equating “shacking up” as living in sin. The problem with this is the bible doesn’t answer this question as clearly as we would like and thus for Christians, to view living with a female while unmarried as being in sin is somewhat an un-biblical statement depending in how you address it. There are obviously different elements to this question such as a couple living together and acting as if they were already married by participating in sexual aspects of marriage. The second scenario would be a couple that is waiting for marriage to have sexual relations, but living together nonetheless.

For the purpose of this post, I will be referring to the couple who are living together but not partaking in sexual relations until marriage. Many people see complete innocence in a Christian couple living together while abstaining until marriage. Although that may be honorable in some sense, here are two big reasons why the Christian couple should not live together until marriage:

1. Temptation

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

If the Bible says that we should flee from temptation, then the unmarried Christian couples must realize that by living together they have only drawn more near to that temptation. God has designed a specific formula for marriage, and living together outside of the context of marriage constantly around temptation is not a part of the equation. In fact, we mess up when we say: “We have a better idea of how to run this life than God.” No one has the ability to redefine marriage when God is the one who has created it. The Christian man is to engage in purity. Pure minds. Pure hearts. Pure eyes. I do not see how an unmarried Christian couple can live together while at the same time maintaining that purity. Nonetheless, I understand some thoughts are that there can be situations in which to live together while at the same time maintaining purity. But this could still be a bad idea. It is a mark of maturity to delay gratification.

2. People’s Opinions

Many times we hear words of encouragement in the form of “don’t worry about what other people think.” As a Christian, we have to get that concept out of our heads. The way people view us is often times the way they begin to view Christianity as a whole. While living together may not cause a problem for the people within the relationship, it could cause those outside of the faith to jump to conclusions. When couples live together or are shacking up, people tend to automatically jump to conclusions that they are sleeping together. If that is the case, then a Christian relationship should simply allow no means for people to jump to those conclusions. This can be done by postponing living together until marriage. For God has called us to be set apart which leads me to ask, is an unmarried Christian couple living together portraying to others the image of God? Many have rejected Christianity because they do not see people living it out. So live it out, whatever that takes.

We must say “I don’t want to fit in, I want to be set apart.”
We are losing our voice in this culture by failing to live his words out. Do not compromise your testimony.

Discipleship Is.

“Your footsteps will have more to say about your spiritual life than knowledge attained.”

 

// Ricky Maye

 

Discipleship within the church is often discussed as something lacking. So then we see statements such as these: “We need to disciple more people,” or “The church hasn’t been doing a very good job in making disciples lately.” The problem with these statements is that the Church at times has failed to define what discipleship really is. At the root of the word, a disciple means to be a learner. If you are a learner, then you are a disciple. Simple as that.

The difficulty in understanding what discipleship is, comes when we attempt to go deeper into what that word means. How then do we (the church) begin going about making disciplined learners of Jesus Christ? I believe that it is in this question that we mess up what the heart of discipleship is. Because from trying to figure “how” we end up figuring out “how not” by developing a process of what discipleship isn’t. It is easy to define what discipleship is not, but more more difficult to define what exactly discipleship is. For instance, I can easily say that discipleship is not a ten step program, bible study, or fill in the blank notes. It also isn’t simply meeting every Thursday night with a more holy person to check and see if you have read the assigned reading for that week. You see, discipleship is not about what you do, but it’s about who you are. It’s about walking this life with others. Teaching them by showing, not by a checklist.

Discipleship Is. It is not “Discipleship Is___” with multiple options in which to fill in that blank, but rather it is “Discipleship Is.” with a period. We can discuss discipleship all day long, but at some point we will have to step over that line of discussion and actually disciple others. There is an element of importance in knowing what discipleship means, but programs, seminars, and books can only do so much. There is a need for the church to put those down and go make disciples. Discipleship doesn’t always need a theological definition that comes wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Discipleship just is.